what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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