when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Randomize
