My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
