She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
