Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
