just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I wish i was in the wii world.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
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