Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
