Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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