Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
