I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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