So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Randomize
