if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I checked into jail on foursquare
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
