...so i touched it.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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