This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
