i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
