If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
