we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
