just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
