Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
