I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
