There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
