I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Randomize
