And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
