I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
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