She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
