I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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