I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
