She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
