we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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