I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
