well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
