My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
