fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
