Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
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