Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I wish my penis had an off switch
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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