Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
i used baking grease as lip gloss
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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