if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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