guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
