So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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