theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Panties = found
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize
