There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
