so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Life is so much better after having sex.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
