i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
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