We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
you had me at cake vodka
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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