i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
