i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
