You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
