ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
vagina is talking i cant
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
