i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
