is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
She even gives head with a lisp.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
