I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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