there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
