my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
