just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
